imma ramble

its been a little over a month and a half since you’ve been gone. feb 4th 2012. and i have no idea why its is hitting me soo freakin hard right now.

i guess its because graduation is comin up and me and chris were talking about our future together that going to happen soon. and i just know that you’re not gonna be there.

for me that sucks. you never got to hold your first great grandchild, you never got to even see any of your grandchildren get married. and for some reason it is absolutly killing me that you’re not going to be here to see me graduate.

when you first got really sick i was hoping more than anything you would be there. and you kept bouncing back and getting better. i was definatly hoping you were going to be here so much longer.

then you got even sicker and they put you in the hospice house, my mom made it sound like you werent bad at all that you were just going to be in there for a few days or so and you’ll be back at home.

but i went and saw you that thursday before, you couldnt talk to me. you couldnt move, you were barely breathing on your own. i kept telling myself “it gets bad at first in a few weeks you’ll be so much better”

then a woman from down the hall came and said “we all know she’s going to a better place now” i bawled like a little bitch.

that friday things got even worse. i took jacob to see you. he cried. i tried to stay strong for him. i did so well until i went to tell you goodbye and that i loved you, you tried so hard to tell me you loved me back. just thinking about that kills me.

that night after waiting from 11 til 2:30 am they thought nothing was going to happen and they told me i looked like shit and i went home and i told them to call me when anything else happened.

3:30 they called and told me you were gone. i tried so hard to come back but they wouldnt let me. they said there was no point.

funeral done and over with, you stuff is now sorted out between everyone, and your ashes are now in your favorite spot in the world. the beach.

now thats all i want to do. go to the beach, and just feel you there.

i miss going to your house every other day just to talk, you helped me with so much you probably dont realize it.

you were the best in the world. i swear.

i love you with all my heart.

Eh

Why does cigarettes and beer go so good together? And why does drinking when you’re pissed makes you feel better? Ha Life questions

Go buy my sister’s song on iTunes or Amazon its called “pretty me”

Just type in Chelsea Hammill and the song should come up.

I don’t care if you don’t like that type of music. But she’s good. And if we get enough buyers she can make a whole CD. & that’s what were aiming for.

Pleaseee I’ll love you foreverrr